I woke up at 4:30am in a puddle. My water broke, and I wasn’t even 6 months pregnant yet. Not for two more days that is. We called our doctor and rushed to the hospital where we were admitted into triage, the place moms go when they are ready to give birth. We still hadn’t registered for baby gear, still hadn’t met our doula, taken a single birthing course, or bought a single baby item. All that was in the works for the next few weeks, we were just trying to fit in our family visits before it was too late to travel. Sunday we were sailing carefree in the Mediterranean, Tuesday morning back in New York City I was getting IV’s of fluids, steroids, and antibiotics inserted into my arm, my amniotic fluid and blood pressure was being checked, and a fetal monitor was trying to diagnose my baby and my uterus to see if I was going into early labor.
My condition was called Pre-term Premature Rupture of Membranes or PPROM and over 90% of mothers give birth within 1-2 weeks. I wasn’t going to let that happen on my watch, so I was admitted into the antepartum wing where I ge
stated my son for another 9 weeks. I won’t lie-
there were times when I wanted to scream and pull my hair out because besides having bathroom privileges – and believe me, that is a privilege over bed pans and sponge baths, I had to surrender tostillness. My stillness sadhana. And for those who know how much I pack my days full and move around constantly, this was a challenge. I was not allowed to exercise. I had to sit still to keep my leaking fluid inside so that my growing baby had something to swim around in. He became my guru, teaching me how to slow down. And since we have no idea why this happened and no way of ever being able to pinpoint what ruptured the amniotic sac, I concede that it was his karma. He needed me to clear space in my life to prepare for his transition into this world.
The outpouring of support and prayers from you all deeply touched my heart. Your flowers and cards filled my window tothe outside world with brilliant color and your coconut waters, green juices, and watermelon kept me and the baby well hydrated. Your visits and messages kept me company when visiting hours were over and my amazing partner had to leave me all alone with my baby growing inside of me and an attentive hospital staff.
Bodhi decided he wanted to enter the world on December 10th. I was having contractions for a couple of days and once they examined me we found out I was 4cm dilated. We went with an emergency c-section since he was breech and fluids were too low to invert him. Born at 4lbs 1oz, he needed only 24 hours of respiratory support, but spent 15 days in the NICU to gain weight and learn how to bottle feed before being discharged on Christmas Day. He came home to an apartment filled with love and SO MANY GIFTS from you all! Thank you again so much for your generosity and love.
Now many moons have passed since I have helmed the wheel of a yoga class. Nestled into my mommy hibernation during the longest winter of recent history, the time is ripening for my return, with my now 10 week old son, Bodhi, in tow. But in order to juggle both roles of astute teacher and devoted mother I’m going to continue to take it slow, something Bodhi keeps teaching me every day.
After my 6 weeks of recovery my postnatal body began to mend. I found myself starting pretty much from scratch, offering me a new perspective- the beginner’s body. Being on bed rest for 9 weeks tightened up my hips and made me weak all over. For the first time ever, I have a new awareness of how to build a practice when you don’t have the flexibilityto open your thighs in Baddha Konasana, to lower properly in chaturanga, or bind your Extended Side Angle because of extra body weight.
I look forward to sharing these lessons and more with you in 2014. I start my uptown classes in March and add Sonic back to the mix in April. I’ve been hard at work developing my Sequencology teacher training into a 100 hour module that can now be taken as part of Pure Yoga’s 300 Hour certification program. And I’m planning a retreat to Spain in September that I want you to join in on! I’ve missed you all…
Hope to see you on the mat!